so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize