I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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