How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
