Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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