dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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