I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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