Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
