Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
