I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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