Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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