this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
