My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
