first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
