My balls are so social today.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
