I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
