I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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