I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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