I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
