What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
