apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
