What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Man, jail baloney is awful.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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