my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
