I showed him my bush... on skype.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
