We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
