Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
