Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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