I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
