She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
