I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
