do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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