I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
