I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
