It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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