Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
