Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
