I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
