Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
