I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
May the power of my ass compel you!!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
