A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
don't judge my taste in strippers
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
