I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
