The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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