i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
