How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
