Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i've created a new STD.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
