Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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