And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
