Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
