Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
