Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
