Your mouth is God's brothel.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
