Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
