flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
