the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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